As Mother’s Day approaches we are all wondering what to get that special woman in our lives. After all we are all taught that heaven lies at the feet of thy mother, right? We are all brought up with the notion that a mother is the single most important person in our lives. She brought us into this world in an explosion of pain and suffered many days for us. Mothers are our first loves, the one who we compare every other person to. We strive to be like her and to be approved and loved by her.

For the ones without a mother, it is a wound no one can heal. Not all of us are lucky enough to have a mother, but women on the whole shape children. So even if our mothers are not around, we have aunts, grandmothers, step mothers and god mothers to help us and guide us to be the compassionate humans that society needs. I myself have been surrounded by strong women all my life. They have shown me how to nurse the growth of a child without stunting the child. It is a fine line and we walk it with courage every day.

In my 39 years of life, I have been blessed to be a mother twice over. For 12 years I have known what it feels like to have my heart walking around outside my body. I’ve been constantly worried, lost many nights of sleep and added a few more grey hairs to my head. I’ve dealt with every scrape and every tear as if the world was going to end when they didn’t get their favorite food or lost their best toy. And I’m proud to say I survived it all. I know it’s just beginning but I wouldn’t trade a second of it.

I also would not trade a second of my decision to stay at home with them. In this economy my husband and I didn’t make that choice lightly, but it was the best decision of my life. Being there for all those moments and attending every PTA and sports day to proudly cheer them on has been a dream come through.

Do we struggle because of my choice? At times, yes. The economy has crumbled in the last couple of years and while I do what I can to help, some days it’s still a struggle. This has been made worse with the onset of Covid-19. I’ve thought of going back out to work but I know my kids are still at an age where they rely on me and I really don’t want to give that up yet.

That’s what being a mother means to me. It means being there, supporting them, and nurturing their spirit to teach them to fly on their own one day. And fly they will. Some mother’s don’t understand that. But as the great poet Kahlil Gibran once said, “Your children are not your children.” They will at some point spread their wings and fly. It’s our job to prepare them for that flight, not hold them back.

I’ve seen so many mother/child relationships damaged because of the mother’s need to hold on too tight. I understand the draw of that, but it is not our duty as mothers to suffocate or force our wants and needs onto them, for children have their own minds and will ultimately pick their own paths. It is however our job to guide them, teach them humility, kindness, love and compassion, so when they do go into the world they can spread their teachings to others.

I have seen my aunts cry silently as they wave their children goodbye at the airport, knowing they are going off to start a new life without them. I see the sadness my grandmother nurses during the holidays when she can’t be with all her children. But I am so grateful to have these women because they show me every day what motherhood means. It is a sacrifice that we must make to watch our babies soar.

Mothers must realize that when their relationship with their child is strained, it can strain all others in their lives. A child who does not grow up feeling fulfilled and nurtured at home is not ready for the real world. A child who is escaping the tight grasp of an overbearing mother, may run too fast in the wrong direction. And a child who does not feel his/her mother’s love but only her judgement may not understand what real unconditional love feels like.

A mother, be it birth mother or other, once she is the woman in a child’s life, has the most important role in the world. It is also the hardest job to walk the line to provide but not control, to guide but not suffocate and to love unconditionally no matter what their mistakes are. So, on this Mother’s Day, wear your title proudly and take a moment to look inside and really truly understand what your role means to the child.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Photos sourced from Bigstock